Phantom Ache

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I may be composed
I may look like I’m doing well
I may go on with my daily life
I may laugh at jokes
I may smile when I’m around people

I may seem like everything is alright.
Things may not be what they seem
Lingering within is the phantom ache

I may not be breaking down
I may not be an emotional mess
I may not have my life on pause
I may not cry all the time
I may not have a frown upon my face.

I may seem like everything is alright
Things may not be what they seem
Lingering within is the phantom ache

*Written after the recent death of my father.

My Promise To Myself (Lyrics)

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When the world,comes crashing down
Don’t you know I’ll always be around
I’ll be there for you
Always be true
Always stay by your side
My commitment to you can not be denied

When you feel as though you’re going to cry
And all you want to do is die
I’ll always be there
To show you that I care
I’ll give you the love to help you rise above

When you feel painfully alone
And you have no place to call home
I’ll always be around
To keep you safe and sound
I’ll give you what you need
To give you a shoulder on which to lean the world, comes crashing down
Don’t you know I’ll always be around
I’ll be there for you
Always be true
Always stay by your side
My commitment to you can not be denied

When you feel as though you’re going to cry
And all you want to do is die
I’ll always be there
To show you that I care
I’ll give you the love to help you rise above

When you feel painfully alone
And you have no place to call home
I’ll always be around
To keep you safe and sound
I’ll give you what you need
To give you a shoulder on which to lean

… Sometimes we need to be our own friend.

God And Child

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Don’t you see the tears in his eyes,
When his child lies?
Don’t you feel his pain,
When the innocence of his child is robbed and replaced with shame?
Don’t you hear the woe in his voice,
When his child chooses death as life alternative choice?
Don’t you see the sorrow on his face,
When his child is judged by gender, religion or race?
Don’t you see the pride in his eyes,
When his child rejects wrong and does right?
Don’t you feel his joy,
When there is happiness in there is happiness in the heart of his girl or boy?
Don’t you hear his happy cries,
when his child comes back towards his light?
Don’t you see the smile on his face,
When his child enters into grace?

Party Girl: Life Of Illusion

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Party Girl
Known to be wild
Friends who were never real
Loved during the party
Forgotten when in need
A state of distraction
Drink in hand
Alcohol induced apathy
Feel no pain
Loud music drowning out meaninglessness
False existence
Life of illusion

I am an Ex Party Girl

My Prayer To God Almighty

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This is my prayer
To my holy savior
I need your help to save me from myself
I pray
You’ll lead the way
I am so unsure
So insecure
In very choice that I make
You’re the one I do not want to forsake
I need your light
To see what is right
Being in the darkness has taken it’s toll
Dear Lord please save my soul
I am on my knees
seeking your peace
So afraid of stumbling
Everyday I am struggling
I want to serve you
Though I feel I don’t deserve you
Want to do right by the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit
This is my prayer and I hope you hear it.

This was written when I was at a really bad point of my life and I keep it close to remind me of where I was when I was living in the darkness.

Have Faith

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It’s bleeding down to the depths of my very soul
These everyday troubles are taking their toll
All I can do is is pray
Since there is no sense in running away
Those problems will follow me wherever I may go
This is a fact I surely now know
It is happening to me as it is happening to you
It’s those everyday problems we are trying to get through
I can not deal with life as though I was one
So I’ll ask for help from his only son
There is no shame
We are all the same
Some times I need a little help
He never wants me to feel like I am by myself
This very day to Jesus I’m going to implore
That I find a window since life’s closed a door
The moral of what I am saying to you
In my heart I know it is true
If life is getting you down
Remember he is always around
He can not be seen but have some faith in him
He’ll see you through your troubles and wash away your sin
He may not always give you what you desire
Though he will give you what you require
Come along and pray with me
Soon my point you will clearly see!

Pain and Pleasure

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Give me pain that will teach me
Give me pleasure to rock my very core
Painful memories that make me who I am
Pleasurable memories that make me passionate
Intense pain that makes my heart ache
Intense pleasure that makes me see lights of white
The pain to remind me I can make it through
The pleasure remind me what I have to live for
Pain and Pleasure, the contradictory essentials of life

Aside

Come to my sanctuary my darling

Rest your weary head
Let us exchange our tails of joy and pain
Slowly we expose ourselves body and soul
Satisfying our curiosity
Slide into my heart
It shall welcome you with warmth
Rhythmically we do the dance of discovery
Mutually we come to discover each others desires

Becoming One

Contented, Creative Constipation

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Hands to keyboard
Mind is blank
Many words in mind
No coherent thought
Want to write
Lacking inspiration
No life angst
Content with life
Lack of creation
Fingers on asdf  jkl;
Still nothing happens
Try again tomorrow
Turning off computer

(Dec 2011)